Roger Stone Pleads Not Guilty, Trump’s Global Warming Tweet – Monologue

Let’s get to the news. Former Trump adviser Roger Stone
today pleaded not guilty to charges
in the Russia investigation, which raises the question, what does he wear
when he pleads insanity? [ Laughter ] Ahead of the expected
polar vortex this week, President Trump
tweeted last night, “What the hell is going on
with global warming? Please come back fast.
We need you.” [ Laughter ] Okay. Once again, you’re
confusing weather with climate. How can I explain this to you? Okay, let’s watch a clip
of you being a decent person. -I will say this about Hillary.
She doesn’t quit. She doesn’t give up.
I respect that. -See, that was weather —
a quick, one-time thing. Now, this is climate. -I moved on her like a bitch. Ugh! I don’t know what I said! You know what?
You’ve really had enough. They’re rapists.
Get him outta here! Don’t give him his coat.
Keep his coat. -And that’s what’s
going to get us all killed. [ Cheers and applause ] Former Starbucks CEO
Howard Schultz was heckled at his book event
last night by a protester
who yelled at him, “Don’t help elect Trump, you egotistical
billionaire ass [bleep].” But it was probably
just the coffee talking. [ Laughter ] In celebration
of Black History Month, Disney has announced it will be
holding free screenings of “Black Panther” throughout
the first week of February. And in celebration
of White History Months, “Friends” will be re-airing
on TBS until the end of time. [ Applause ] A man in Argentina has
reportedly spent over $30,000 on plastic surgery in an effort to make him
look like Michael Jackson. Which sounds like
a terrible idea, but here’s what
he looked like before. [ Audience groans ] [ Laughter ] [ Applause ] [ Laughs ]
Let’s clap and make it go away. [ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ] A woman was arrested
in Connecticut last week for driving under the influence
of vanilla extract… which is the craziest euphemism
I’ve ever heard for white privilege. [ Laughter ] A boy in Indiana dialed 911
recently after struggling to complete
his math homework. Police were concerned he was
calling about a train crash since he said one train
was going at 40 miles per hour, and the other was going
at 100 miles per hour. A woman in England recently
found that she had a ring stuck up her nose for 12 years
after she sneezed it out. And despite
making him wait that long, she still said no. [ Laughter ] And finally, a hummus brand
in England called MeToo! will be changing its name
of 14 years after the company suffered
a significant drop in sales, possibly due to the #MeToo
anti-harassment movement. “We feel your pain,” said
the owners of Toys ‘R’ Kelly.

Comments 100

  • You libtards do realize if Shultz runs as independent, the democrats are done.

  • Seth, you didn't mention how trump spelled it "Global WAMING", he left out the R.

  • Well put

  • So long and thanks for all the fish.

  • To be fair, the polar vortex is p much caused by global warming but that’s too much to explain to Donnie

  • Global waming heh

  • I like that weather-climate explanation. Gotta use that from now on. Lol

  • Starbucks is in now in business with nestle

  • Is that Willy Wonka

  • Seth is good vibes. We need more people like him in the media.

  • Daaaamn that weather/climate thing was fucking brilliant.

  • George Michael : my group was Wham as in the globe waming

  • cheap shot at friends……i admit it was very non inclusive but it was still such a good show…i dont hate friends because i am a POC……..its very annoying

  • The record-breaking searing heat in Australia this month was surely all just 'fake news…'

  • So the president unable to spell 'warming' doesn't even get a joke anymore…

  • Everyone needs to watch Cowspiracy

  • 1:16 They censored 'hole'

  • Global whamming?

  • I thought the Michael Jackson news was about Felipe Pettinato, son of former musician and TV personality Roberto Pettinato, who actually imitates MJ on his shows. Apparently it's another crazy dude.

  • So funny Seth as always, Trump is the worse President ever as we all know.

  • And Donnie's "typos" just keep building. Doesn't he have spell check? "Waming": that's not Seth's error; that's exactly how Donnie wrote it.

  • The Trump-Weather/Climate analogy was spot on.

  • Trump has a few minor problems with language. (Other than his inability to speak one) "global" im sure if he used google he could find the meaning. "average" again google. Then again he uses twitter to show us hes very smart. That speaks volumes in of itself.

  • SIGH. We are all SOOOOOO fucked!

  • Has it occurred to anyone that re-electing trump might actually be Schultz's goal…

  • If you don't understand the difference between weather and climate, you shouldn't be in any position of power.

    Weather creates a climate, climate and predict the weather.

    Climate is average weather calculated over a span of 30 years. This can be the average in a state, region, country, hemisphere, globe. The average temperature is compared to the averages of previous calculations, and that is how we know when the climate is changing or if it's stable.

    Global temperatures are rising despite the fact that we're in an ice age. You need to understand that the difference between now and a barren wasteland is only a couple degrees apart. One degree change drastically alters the global ecosystem.

    We are supposed to have polar ice caps. They melt and the water levels of the oceans rise. Over ¾ of the world's population lives on coastlines. It's like an overflowing sink; the water is going to start covering the countertops, and if billions of people lived on the edge of the sink, they'd be underwater. That's what is going to happen.

    Last time there were no ice caps, there was an ocean that separated the east and west coasts of the US, and the entire northern west coast of Africa was deep below the waves. Water has to go somewhere. Path of least resistance is to climb up beaches.

    The overall increase in global temperatures is where the term "global warming" came from. It is totally accurate. The shifting patterns of weather due to temperature, and their overall impact on the earth is where the term "climate change" came from. It's also completely accurate.

    If you know all this, Trump saying we could use some global warming because it's cold at the end of January in DC makes you full body cringe, because it is so painfully stupid. He's just announcing that he doesn't understand even the most fundamental definition of climate change due to global warming. He looks so dumb it's hard to watch.

    That is how a significant portion of the world see Trump all the time. He is constantly saying things that do nothing but prove he doesn't know what he is talking about. Everything he says just proves he doesn't understand the subject, because it's full of obviously untrue and inaccurate lies.

    If you didn't get why so many people can't tolerate Trump, it's because he is just stupid, reckless and embarrassing. There is no TDS. It's just that the majority of the world is more intelligent, better informed, and more capable and stable than he is, and it's incredibly difficult to listen to convoluted bullshit and lies.

  • What! How you not notice that a metal object(in this card a ring) is stuck in your nose?!

  • That was the most awesome explanation of climate change I’ve ever heard (°▽°)

  • Did see anything in UK news about the ring & never heard off ME Too humus! I must be soooo busy avoiding Brexit BS I missed them.

  • I wonder why there was a cut after the cosby jokw

  • Seasons are not climate change. Lol

  • Global "Waming"? Is that an "m" in the middle or do I need my glasses?

  • Timd to start boycotting Starbucks with force!

  • I'm not what's the WORST thing about Trump's latest denial of 'global warming' in tweet form… Is it:

    A- that a cold snap is in no way evidence against…
    B- Anthropogenic climate change (-ACC, NOT 'global warming), or…
    C- that this recent 'polar vortex' is, likely, strong evidence that ACC DOES exist, like the vast majority of scientific community agrees! Or…
    D- that his idiot following actually BELIEVES him!

    Geez. I'm nearly at a loss for words because of our f'n President is so disconnected from reality! (Almost- the guy is a total ignoramus. An atavistic, troglodytic, un-educated, marginally sane semi-person!)

  • Boycott Starbucks until this asshole backs off!!

  • The idiots didn't get their way with global warming, so they changed it to climate change but still only mention warming. It doesn't work that way. You were misled by a loser of a politician.

  • It isn't just Weather and Climate, Trump doesn't know how Seasons work….

  • A bit underwhelming today 😕

  • IN is sooo proud of its' religious & "hard working" ethic, but really they are just stupid & lazy mentally. I know from personal experience, unfortunately. Also unfortunate, I now live in CT, the other source of stupidity in this monologue. D'oh!

  • Monopoly man

  • Cover more about Global Warming; like the fact that food shortages and water shortages are already on the rise, extreme conditions have guaranteed crop shortages, contaminated food, increase costs to food, and extreme droughts, record-breaking wild fires and rising coastlines. Mass immigrations of refugees are happening largely in part thanks to Climate change and conflicts (usually) inspired by gas and oil industries.

    And what's most frustrating is that green renewable energy plans are out there, and are affordable, and will do infinitely more help to communities, health and the future of our economy.

    Please, use your influence to spread the message. We are not powerless.

  • I knew trump would say some dumb thing about the weather.

  • dumb as a trump

  • OMG that lady had to have been diggin pretty deep to get that ring stuck up there like that.

  • 1:00… Did he misspell "warming" in his tweet or was that just the show that made that typo when creating the graphic?

  • It's kinda gross TBS picking up old NBC sitcoms(usually from the '90s) as their own. I'm surprised they haven't done it yet with Nickelodeon fare. Insulting? Maybe. But mostly mind-numbing!

  • Bill Cosby is now in Argentina? WTF? When did he make a prison break? Or is it for a Lifetime original movie of the week special? Maybe USA network.

  • The Koch brothers are the enemy of the planet.

  • His comic timing is terrible

  • Really bad this time dude

  • that was good…toysRkelly😂I am so disappointed about him, I love his music and it just ruins it for me now knowing he is a perv! a great talent gone to waste!

  • only the left sheep buy into the global warming scam. Its even being rejected by the french! So, democrats are even more gullible sheep than the french. That seems about right somehow.

  • Cosby joke too soon ….wwhd (what would harambe do ?)

  • I think we're getting to the point of just ignoring his misspellings

  • Black Panther's movie poster has more black actors than ever had lines in friends

  • Is it just me or has this canned laughter?

  • Seith Micheal and Cosby joke wasn’t funny , those are black Man destroyed by white man I don’t find it funny and I will not watch your show again

  • Orange man bad

  • Lets clap and make it go away

  • Wow ! Nice lateral move! Global warming doesn't exist yet climate change now does? What ever happened to the ozone layer?
    Oh yeah, it's fine.
    It's all bullshit!!

  • Boo Cosby joke, not funny.

  • I have to be honest… there were some f'ed up jokes in this one, and I loved each one! I did not see the Bill Cosby punchline coming. LOL!

  • "I'm sure our great leader did not intend to spell global warming as "global waming" and some people prefer more warming than cold and what's really ridiculous is all this media attention on this but not the tremendous job he's done supporting a lot of things that people care about." Sarah "The Huck" Sanders.

  • How do you not realize a ring is stuck up your nose? How does a ring even get there?

  • Another fukin left wing parasite, who also hates mr. Trump

  • This pathetic human being or as we called in da hood "inscest ole baby" made that Nixon move letting everyone know that he's just as a crook as Nixon. I hope someone put his ankles behind his ears before he drops the soap and turn stone into butter.

  • dude how did you not comment on the fact that trump tweeted WAMING instead of warming?

  • Seth talks so slowly I always think I have the speed on 0.75

  • I can't believe you didn't comment on the global WAMING.

  • Those jokes were pretty bad even for you Sethrina. You’re relying on your coy looks too much. And yes you are still cute. You don’t need to be reminded.

  • Seth , your only claim to fame is your instigating President Trump to run – Thank u for that !!!! …otherwise you are more irrelevant than Bill Maher

  • If Trump ordered a glass of ice, left the ice to use the restroom, then came back to find water he would blame the Mexicans for stealing his ice. Trump doesn't understand climate change. Sad.

  • Careful what you wish for trump.


  • Everyone is saying Antarctica is melting because of global warming but over look the 91 volcano's under Antarctica the scientists are talking about

  • The cold spell… like Dennis Quaid predicted in “day after tomorrow”

  • He looks like he fell off the "MONOPOLY BOARD" !

  • roger stone is a true dumbass NICE TOP HAT DIPSHIT

  • the US is the only developed country in which believing in global warming is a political thing. Like in literally every other country most politicians, liberal and conservative, acknowledge it as a threat. Goes to show how behind we are

  • Trump has got to be the Most HATED PERSON On the PLANET

  • If global warming is a real thing how do you explain that people all over the world in places likely to be covered by water are able to get financing for real estate. The people pushing this narrative have a lot to gain by way of carbon taxes. The rest of the people pushing the narrative actually believe what they are saying just like people from over 4000 religions on this planet would bet their life that their religion is the one true religion. Just saying and how many scientists receive massive funding from the people pushing this narrative. Scientists too can be bought off.

  • Roger stone looks like he is about to put Roger Rabbit in dip

  • Look at that idiot Stonem is he getting fucking married? Oh, of course, he is, to Trump.

  • Have you never been too Canada !ol

  • Truth about global warming:

  • Where would Seth be without Trump? And where would Trump be without Seth? They need each other.

  • Trump pays the left like a fiddle. Fucking hilarious. It’s almost as if they forgot Obama invaded 3 countries, never closed Guantanamo and killed two American citizens with a drone. But no Trumps the traitor 😂.

  • 2019 and it's still the same old jokes Orange man Bad trump is Hitler

  • If climate activists are so worried about oceans evaporating from global warming, then how are sea levels rising?

  • I m from India and this tweet was in mainstream media yesterday …and me with my family was laughing that how he became president of most powerful country

  • Donald Trump doesn't believe in the climate in the climate change but he still believes in the Easter bunny and tooth fairy

  • Oh my…. I love the 'Vanilla Extract' as a slang reference to white privilege! I will be repeating it later in an applicable situation! Thank you, writers and host for making me snort coffee!

  • How does someone get under the influence of vanilla extract? I’ve never heard of that before.

  • That Tweet said global WAMING!

  • Basic history and science prove man-made catastrophic global warming is a scam.

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